Recently I had a revelation, when I bought a new journal.
I was writing and a friend asked me how long I'd been journaling for. I said I'd stopped journaling years ago and recently started again. When he asked what made me start journaling again, I didn't know... I'd never considered the catalyst to my yo-yo journaling over the years.
For about five years of my young adult life I journaled pretty much nonstop. Probably from about ages 19-24. Then I stopped. I entered a new phase of life where I was surrounded by people who gave me a reason to leave my internalized journaling world where i didnt have to be vulnerable with people, and enter the verbal communication world of hard, healthy relationships that are very rewarding.
It took me a few minutes of chatting with my friend about this for me to figure it out, but I'm thankful for his insightful questions. They prompted me to learn something new about myself.
I am a verbal processor, yes. But when I'm at a place in life where I don't have safe people around me that I can be honest and vulnerable with -or I am avoiding hard conversations- I process by journaling. It's my way of getting everything out and clarifying my thoughts with no risky relational stuff. Not bad in and of itself, but if my journaling ever became the only place where I could be honest and vulnerable, much like those younger years of my life, there would be something wrong.
Yes, there are very therapeutic, benefits to journaling... Especially for people who are truly internal processors, but for this verbal processor, it can become unhealthy.
No, I will not be forgoing journaling.
Yes, I plan to indulge in the simple, pure romanticism of sitting down with a cup of French press on a Saturday morning and setting down a few pages of thoughts into my journal... but only because now I see it as the reward of an already very good communication stream. A way to unwind rather than avoid.
Life is all about lessons... this one was worth sharing.
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