In 2014...

In 2014

I took on a challenge. Made leather. Dreamed with Mitty. Yelled about a porpoise. Walked the marina. Had a dating ministry. Prayed with my parents. Felt revived. Had a fight. Worked it out. Got a big check. Cried it out. Did vino with Gordie. Made bruschetta. Watched babies grow. Saw God answer prayers. Woke up to seagulls. Did some bodywork. Got a bullet. Drank some green stuff. Grieved for a friend. Crocheted a lot. Learned strippers love Jesus. Had cheat days. Loved me some baths. Moved my sisters. Painted my nails less. Worked out more. Prepped on Sundays. Spent a morning at einsteins. Forgave her. Understood the past. Watch the snow fall. Bought a camera. Started a business. Reunited with friends. Met so many people. Loved my mom. Planned a wedding. Lost a roommate. Was devastated. Learned about myself. Loved who I am. Didn't see that one coming. Was very Gatsby. Sent her off to a new state. Couldn’t believe how quick life changed. Was so offended. Had a BBQ with no BBQ. Snapped some births. Pulled an all-nighter. Witnessed miracles. Got a mac. Was “that girl” people watching. Took some secret photos. Lost all my bobby-pins. Stared down a ferret. Went to a game. Had an uninvited visitor during brunch. Got a third bone graft. Cherished my roommates. Made new friends. Melted down in front of a mirror. Was bacheloretted out. Got a painful shot. Tripped with the parents. Went to Cali. Tried to grow something. Was in pain. Laughed so hard. Was thrilled for my brother. Taught them how to use phones. Drank on a plane. Didn’t like a rainstorm. Cried with joy. Saw their first kiss. Was in awe of God’s faithfulness. Laughed on an beach. Traveled around an island. Saw a lot of chickens. Gardened with babies. Let him see me. Was a hand whore. Got a boyfriend. Stated up way too late. Was saved by caffeine. Saw a pregnant woman dance on a median. Laughed with gays. Took a cruise. Met a bear on a lake. Laughed with a Brit around a fire. Felt spoiled. Lost a friend. Was angry at death. Dealt with grief. Was kidnapped for a sunset. Didn't know what to do. Trusted him. Went facebook official. Was sure. Loved little blonde houseguests. Freaked out. Talked about everything under the sun. Watched a movie. Felt beautiful. Went to a concert. Danced on a rock. Fell in a lake. Bought some candles. Tubed the river. Hoped for the future. Met a pirate fairy. Dated. Planned a surprise. Wrote our story. Introduced him to my dad. Was in a wedding. Loved Sunday family days. Slow cooked. Had coffee in the river. Praised her. Ate so much watermelon. Got an implant. Cried with friends. Remembered her. Told him the truth. Had mixed emotions. Saw so many boobs. Loved cuddly Saturday mornings. Was hired. Picked up blackberry babies. Guarded the galaxy. Celebrated months. Loved Shakespeare. Hated a board game. Loved those whiskers. Went to Costco. Was so excited for a fishergirl. Went hiking. Fell in love. Dried some roses. Told a biker about a star. Dislocated my toe. Ate ribs for the first time. Went to a fair. Got my nails done. Was a camping princess. Met the guys. Traveled with a bodyguard. Hiked to waterfalls. Wanted a little cabin. Saw whales. Heard her heartbeat. Was not the mystery killer. Loved potholes. Enjoyed my sisters. Glitter tattooed. Ate crab. Liked the hot tub. Became a model. Got serious. Knew it was real. Had clients. Was not confident. Cracked my phone. Struggled through. Was taken care of. Got older. Was so scared. Thought it would be me. Breathed easier. Was there when she woke. Got bumpy. Hated insurance. Disliked a cat. Loved a man. Made a compromise. Road tripped. Ate apples. Saw through him. Got tortured. Was better. Owned a cheesecake factory. Loved that they loved each other. Hated stitches. Attended bootcamp. Became a goddess. Snared a gladiator. Was a newcomer. Double dated. Packed a lot less. Moved again. Was taken care of. Got to pay. Cleaned up wine. Loved weekends. Bought some yoga pants. Was cherished. Drugged a dog. Ate a pretzel. Laughed about spiders. Was tired of saying goodnight. Learned a lot. Felt Roxy’s. Said goodbye. Made good choices. Hated good choices. Loved gold. Felt oily. Dried out. Bought a tooth. Rented a hotel. Met the family. Learned a game. Held a baby. Watched the rain. Drove a lot. Couldn’t sleep. Hated that couch. Saw some penguins. Bought some pink. Talked about forever. Enjoyed a beard. Realized it was home. Didn’t want free nights. Bought our first tree. Couldn’t find ornaments. Received a secret recipe. Waited in the waiting room. Didn't want her to go. Watched him lift. Blanketed pigs. Got so sick. Felt so loved. Had sparkly nails. Buckled some jeans. Took care of him. Got a couples only invite. Had cookies and cocoa. Loved a sushi lunch date. Stepped out of my comfort zone. Understood her. Closed the account. Stole his bed. Cuddled with my sister. Loved those babies. Loved flights that were on time. Wanted that mattress. Had my corn. Drove slowly. Slipped on ice. Loved Christmas. Felt like family. Had so much sugar. Never wanted to leave him. Got a free engine. Went straight up. Loved Olympians. Was so cold. Kept my cool. Went into shock. Said yes. Got a fiance. Kissed him. Posted number 365. Rejoiced in God's faithfulness. Missed the ball drop.

The Proposal

In 2013...

In 2013…

I set a couple goals. Completed all my goals. Watched a lost girl. Watched a beauty want a beast. Cried hard. Made a plan. Prayed so much. Loved hard. Fought long. Called in the General. Rejoiced in an answered prayer. Didn't want to go home. Trusted God to handle the details. Gave everything I had. Played on the beach and climbed some rocks. Had barf down my shirt. Had peas in my hair and toddler toe bruises on my shins. Loved being an aunt. Was comforted by silence. Watched goldfish wars turn into carrot grenades. Was okay being alone. Listed to podcasts. Healed slowly. Ran a 5k. Won a war. Enjoyed some dirty chais. Smiled because they call it dirty. Was rescued by my sisters. Only opened my door twice. Lost 20 lbs. Ran a half marathon. Couldn't believe I was still breathing. Found an unexpected friend. Got sunburned. Went on a date. Prepared for change. Had a picnic with my niece. Kept a budget. Watched a love story unfold. Relaxed at home. Earned some kickin curves. Got some amazing roommates. Found a beer in my couch. Relaxed at B Street. Realized my job is a gift. Spent a whole morning dreaming with my girls. Met Isaiah. Missed them. Kept Tahoe Blue. Felt alive. Road tripped. Watched some whales. Froze on a beach at dawn. Harnessed heaven on a winding road. Picked a lot of blackberries. Reunited with old friends. Celebrated three years. Got scared. Visited the hospital. Got some lucrative news. Squashed a baby bumble bee. Loved weekly movie dates. Thanked anonymous lawn mowers.  Laughed about cookies. Sent travelers off right. Bought a bikini. Not so secretly wore that bikini. Hung some lights. Said no to pet adoptions twice a week. Loved Jesus. Went to the chiropractor. Experienced joy. Had a crush. Hung some ivy. Grew some Dahlias. Read a lot of books. Liked a few of them. Got bad news. Valued the insight of introverts. Lived every weekend to the fullest. Ordered a birchbox. Planned a birthday trip. Took a chance on a dream. Did some photo shoots. Had some really good wine. Wanted everything delivered. Was a VIP. Needed backup. Was in so much pain. Created a quote wall. Didn’t get better. Ran some tests. Rented a vacation house. Hot tubbed at midnight in starlight. Was spoiled. Turned 30 for a month. Kept a secret. Learned a lot. Talked about life at Scoopers. Enjoyed Sundays with my family. Navigated a new friendship. Was so proud of my roommate. Celebrated the end of an Odyssey. Didn't have to fix it. Was okay with it ending. Was stunned by an email. Paid it forward. Remembered a Bible story. Gave what was given to me. Sung in a church again. Went on more dates. Was happy to be single. Played my guitar. Joined a board. Got some bad test results. Moved into a new house. Got free rent for a year. Had a great view. Could barely move. Looked forward to hugs. Knew no sweeter name than the name of Jesus. Sold some crafts. Was worried for a friend. Said goodbye. Was tortured with needles. Was thankful for answers. Struggled to communicate. Had an operation. Took a drug named Oxy-something. Slept for a long time. Was woken by angels. Took it easy. Had no more pain. Shopped til I dropped. Rode a train. Played a prank. Decorated my house. Watched Shawshank Zoey. Bought an ugly sweater. Threw a party. Loved my friends. Was traumatized by a kiss. Had a magical Christmas. Got them the perfect gifts. "Won" at Settlers. Enjoyed vacation. Had so much to look forward to.

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. "

I've discovered so much this year. Through grief and happiness and a million unexpected blessings and trials, I've learned so much. I'm thankful I have another opportunity to look back and see all that God has done in my life; to see all that my friends have contributed to my life; rejoiced in all the joy that my family has brought me; rested in all the truth God has shown me and all the beauty that surrounds me on a daily basis. 

Every good thing comes from God. This year has been a good thing and He has been so faithful to provide for my every need.

In 2012...

In 2012…

I welcomed a new sister.  Realized how talented my friends are. Went to the airport. Missed my twin. Loved warm weather in winter. Looked forward to Friday roomie nights. Dreaded Thursdays. Had a character building experience. Was thankful for men of God. Was scared. Screamed in the dark. Had an ugly cry and made a wonderful friend. Didn’t have to explain my tears. Learned discipline and rejoiced in success. Spent an afternoon throwing pigskin. Wanted to burn a beard. Danced for hours. Laughed for days. Loved movie marathons on the couch. Couldn’t get enough of my Saturdays. Jumped in a frozen river and soaked a dry car seat. Enjoyed a few G&Ts. Waited for word from a distant land. Liked a New Girl. Rocked some humor with a few Red Robins. Hid behind a white curtain. Did KOR with an Italian. Flirted with a cowboy. Lasered it off. Got taken out to dinner three times in one week. Was given the world. Watched a beautiful Brooke bubble over. Went shooting with men and didn’t shoot them. Learned to kickbox. Got a trainer. Fashioned a necklace for a fashion plate. Dumped a bucket of water over his head. Watched some tracker jackers. Hated early mornings but loved loose skinny jeans. Camped with wilderness beasts. Threw a 100lb log. Wanted to consume a gallon of ice cream. Didn’t consume a gallon of ice cream. Booked a flight to Europe. Was devastated by lies and hoped for truth. Watched him grow up overnight. Saw a little bean on a black and white. Ran 3.5 miles without stopping. Couldn’t move my legs. Was proud of my new sister. Climbed a building and fell right off. Had good discussions with great women. Grieved the loss of old friends. Traveled abroad. Climbed a volcano, watched the sun set into the sea, rode a gondola and curled up with an Italian. Outran a rainstorm and fell into the arms of a Frenchman. Settled into life and got used to change. Went to a million weddings; spent almost as much on gifts. Got a ride from a river rat. Welcomed home some great friends. Became obsessed with coral. Signed a lease and packed up my life. Hit the five mile mark. Learned humility. Got scared by a “homeless” man at the river. Was blessed by hardworking friends. Learned what it means to need people. Was scared to be vulnerable. Was grateful for my parents. Rested on quiet nights under bright stars. Pondered my place in his life. Trusted in God’s perfect plan. Formed a family and created a home. Got a spicy pumpkin from a flirty barista. Journaled for myself and no one else. Got crafty. Settled in. Wrestled with doubts. Learned to care for myself. Invested in a new future. Met a stranger and gained a friend. Took a trip to a sunny game. Shopped and dropped. Caught a rainbow. Survived a night in the wild. Heard a snoring bear. Sprinkled my sister and danced with Joy. Enjoyed a backyard booth with friends. Became a little teapot. Visited an infirmary and felt so loved. Was thankful for another year of Faith. Was reminded of the power in prayer. Said goodbye to my childhood home. Visited a hill of apples. Ate blackberries from the top of a waterfall. Celebrated an Amber princess. Danced with an old man. Photographed a birth. Witnessed a miracle. Watched my sister soar towards her dreams. Enjoyed quiet nights with friends. Made breakfast for a world traveler. Saw God provide for orphans. Looked forward to cold nights and a warm fireplace. Put a bird on it. Enjoyed snoozanville for the last time. Looked forward to something new. Ran my first 10k. Celebrated one year of pounding the pavement. Lost 30 lbs. Peppered the spa with a bunch of spicy girls. Welcomed my brothers home and met my future sister. Twirled on the ice. Cried under a Christmas tree. Loved my roommates.  Trusted God’s timing. Pursued something different. Kept a secret. Comforted a friend. Enjoyed Christmas with my entire family home. Rang in the new year thankful for all it contained.

****************

The fundamental truth of my life is that I have confidence in who God is and the truth his word brings to my life. He guides my path and my happiest days can even be amidst some of the hardest, because I know I live for a purpose… his glory.

That said, for a period of time this year I found it hard to be consistent in who God has created me to be, but through it all I’ve come to a better understanding of who I am… and who I live for… yet again. Isn’t that always how it goes? Humility is a life spent learning and I’ve spent much of this year being humbled.

This year I’ve also learned the value of listening. I just shut up. In the absence of my need to speak, I've heard the pain, joy, love, loss and song of life all around me. It has been nothing short of magical. Quiet on my part, but my voice is insignificant if I don’t have that consistency I spoke of earlier. I suppose it’s a good thing those two lessons worked together as they did.

My name is Hope. It means “belief and expectation of fulfillment”.

Let’s see where these lessons lead as I enter this new year embracing who I am with the “belief and expectation of fulfillment.”

Day 31: Contentment

“You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled.”
― Charles H. Spurgeon

Day 30: Companionship

I woke up this morning so excited about my day. Might've been because I got to make a friend breakfast and then go spend the afternoon by the river with another friend. I had alot of excitement on my immediate brain.

I love companionship. It's probably why I love my life so much.

I was created -to the very core of my being- to thrive off of relationships. Companionship with other people. Friendships that are organic and fun and always changing and different.

My life has so many of these friendships. On any given day, I'm hanging out with 1-20 different people. Granted, I'm usually the one planning the hangouts or inviting people out to coffee or lunch, but that's because I love it.

Some people have never had companionship, so even if they desire it, they don't know how to get it outside of unhealthy means. That's why I'm okay being the one planning and facilitating and having a blast with a million friends around all the time.

I love it when my days are filled with the people I love. I am happiest with those I love surrounding me.

Day 29: Fairytales

My friend Ruth came over tonight. We needed a girls night.

She is so special to me! She was born in Kenya, so naturally when she got engaged to a friend of mine and moved to America, it was quite the special occasion. Now as they plan their future family and go on with life, I'm reminded of all the ways people are brought together... from so many different areas of this earth.

Ruth and I watched Ever After: A Cinderella Story tonight and had heaping bowls of chocolate ice cream. The perfect girls night! She loves Disney movies, so I thought she might like to see a fairytale movie with live people, not animation.

In many ways Cinderella's story is Ruth's. Ruth got her fairytale... she met her prince, he whisked her away to a beautiful land and she felt like royalty in so many ways. She got married on a beach in Hawaii, and a little girl saw her and said "Mommy, is that a princess?" to which her mother said "Yes, hunny... that IS a princess!" How perfect.

But the fairytales always have more to them, don't they? Afterwards, there's the challenge of a new land, a new culture, a new family and dreaming new dreams for your life once your surroundings change. It doesn't all freeze frame after the wedding. When the movie or the book ends, you don't get to see the princess go on with life and prove she's got what it takes.

Ruth has what it takes. I'm so impressed with her and her husband... her prince.

I'm thankful I get to watch Ruth's fairytale play out... it's a fairytale that puts all others to shame!

Day 28: Roman

I came home from work today and a friend brought over her kiddo for me to watch while she and her man headed out on a lil dinner date.

It was so interesting how my home went from normal to charged with excitement.

That lil boy captured every moment of our attention. My roommates and I went from tired to amped up and running around, squealing at his every amazing step.

To see a little human so small and frail, running around this world is like watching a miracle.

Sure does make you wonder at the scope of life and all the things we think are important... until we realize they're nothing compared to a little child's glee and interest in the smallest things.

Day 27: Couch Search

I'm searching for a new couch. I'm ready to give up.

I thought I found one today, but I didn't. Grabbed a guy friend to go check it out with me (for safety purposes... who knows who owns these things on craigslist) and the freakin people lied about the condition it was in. My mom even came to help me get it home in her utility trailer, but no dice. She came all that way for nothin.

Oh well... I went to dinner with my mom and my guy friend and that was fun. We found some lil Mexican food joint nearby and it was so fun experiencing my mom talking to random strangers and my friend speaking fluent spanish. The cooks rolled their eyes when my mom spoke and then beamed from ear to ear when my friend rattled off something to them about what he wanted in their own language.

I love the many cultures in America!

Day 26: Happy

I love my church.
I love my family.
I'm thankful for men who step in and take charge when there is a need.
I'm thankful for women who are temperate and self-controlled, filled with love and purity.

I'm thankful that I have happiness and so much, when I am aware that I could've had a very different life.

Day 25: Leadership

Going through my day today I've had a few thoughts about leadership.

This sums it up nicely:

The leader can never close the gap between himself and the group. If he does, he is no longer what he must be. He must walk a tightrope between the consent he must win and the control he must exert.
Vince Lombardi

A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.
John C. Maxwell

Day 24: Home Church

I went to bed at 4am and woke up at 11. Good thing I had a pot of french press at the ready.

Every Sunday my roommates and I host our Home Church at our house and we love it. I love watching my friends and family grow and change as we all wrestle with God over different things and draw closer to one another.

I hung out with my youngest sister tonight. I am obsessed with her. Everything about her.

It's so wonderful to grow up and realize God gave me some of the best girlfriends I'll ever have, right in my sisters that I grew up with.

As life changed, so did we... all differently, similarly and compatibly. We have an understanding of each other's history and struggles that no one else does and we have the ability to comfort and encourage one another as well.

I love my sisters. I love my youngest sister. I am thankful for the blessing of family.

Day 23: Coming out of a Slump

Sometimes you gotta step back from everything that is normal in your life and see what you want to do now, not just what you've always done.

For years I've spent multiple days of my week investing in the men and women in my life, going to coffee dates and loving every bit of it. A few months ago I decided to remove myself from the normal way I do things and see what stuff I've always done by habit is actually what I want to do by choice at this point in my life.

I stopped going on coffee dates and investing so much of myself in others. It was a good break to relax and recharge my batteries, but a couple weeks ago I felt the desire to start investing and connecting with the people in my life again.

Today was a record quality time day in the scope of the last few months. I loved every second. I had breakfast with a friend, stopped by a coffee shop, met another friend for lunch, did another friend's hair, hung out with my sisters, made dinner and watched a movie with my old roommates, headed to a movie with a bunch of friends late at night and went back to my sister's house to smoke hookah and sip tea until 4am.

I went home and realized I didn't have a "peopled out" feeling like I would've a few months ago after a long day like this.

My break was good. Now I'm looking forward to getting connected again.

For everything there is a time and a season...

Day 22: Nevada Day

I found out yesterday that I had today off work.

I'm absent minded sometimes with holidays, so my coworkers make sure I know I don't have to come into work when they happen now and then.

Today I spent my morning sleeping in and my afternoon with a lovely friend. She and I went to lunch, chatted and caught up after not seeing each other for a few months and then visited World Market for some much needed shop therapy. I walked out with only one thing, but man did I want to buy everything in that store.

I headed home after World Market and decided to buy some groceries and cook my roommates dinner. What a lovely night it ended up being. We laughed and talked and caught up on our weeks and how we were doing.

I'm so grateful for such wonderful women to share life with.

Day 21: Masquerade Ball

Tonight I went to a masquerade ball.

First I got off work, had a coworker help jump my car battery, went to Savers and found a dress to wear and then had my roommate come rescue me from the parking lot where my car died again (boxed in by other cars so I couldn't even jump it).

Eventually I made it home and changed and got gussied up and then headed to Mambo's nightclub which is a pretty large latin nightclub.

The night was so fun. Six girlfriends and I went and learned some latin dances, danced with some hispanic men and I particularly had a blast learning the "real deal" from an older, mildly creepy, man who knew how to teach most of the dances.

What a fun night with my girlfriends! Happy Halloween to us.

Day 20: Ellie's Birth Video

A few days ago I had the privilege of trying out some new photography skills and taking photographs of the physical, emotional journey my sister and her husband went through during the birth of their second daughter, Ellie.

I finished the video and shared it with my sister today. She was so amazed at what Ellie's birth looked like through my eyes. My sister used Hypnobabies hypnobirthing techniques for her laboring, so it was quite a bit more peaceful than I'd expected.

Immediately after seeing the video, she wanted it shared with the world. What a great compliment that was to me.

So... here is my first birth photography video. I hope there will be more in the future, because I truly fell in love with it.

https://vimeo.com/52093202

Enjoy!

Day 19: Community Family

I attend a home church in my area. It's wonderful. Everything that I always wanted to believe church could be... and more.

Tonight one of the men in our group tackled a subject that has been very miscommunicated and left a lot of people with hurt feelings in the past.

I was so impressed how he approached the subject, and his sincerity in wanting to communicate with clarity. His humility and wisdom in approaching it the way he did, paved the way for conversation with grace and understanding, rather than anxiety and defensiveness. In the end, our group was closer than ever.

I often find myself amazed at the caliber of men that I am surrounded by. I am thankful for nights tonight where I am reminded of what a blessing they are.

Good leaders are hard to come by. I am surrounded by great ones.

Day 18: Discover People

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
Galileo

I sat and talked for three hours with a new friend. It was one of those conversations that you walk away from wondering where the time went, because you enjoy the person so much!

While we talked, I realized that discovering more about my new friend was the reason I was enjoying the conversation so much.

Deep questions were followed by answers that stunned me in their sincerity and my friend's natural, easy going response.

What a pleasure it is to discover in someone a genuine, compassionate, honest soul that's filled with a desire for something more in life... and the ability to recognize it when it arrives.

Day 17: Change

I love change. I love the newness and excitement that it brings.

When it is handled with wisdom, transition is so suspenseful; filled with the unknown and risk that makes life exciting.

I am thankful God puts men in leadership positions who are willing to grow, learn and change with the needs of each new day.

Day 16: Fanciness

Birthdays are a big deal in my circle of friends. Well, girl birthdays, that is.

I'm sure most of my guy friends would prefer a birthday at the bar with shots to commemorate the passing of their year.

Tonight was fanciness for a girlfriend and it was just perfect.

Day 15: Ellie Leia's Birthday

1:04am: Got the call
1:35am: Arrived at the house
1:57am:
Hope: "That's a good laboring outfit, Autumn!"
Joy: "Ya you did the sexy outfit already (9months ago). That's how you got yourself here."
2:55am:
Autumn: "Ellie has hiccups."
3:02am:
Autumn: "Joy still doesn't believe there's a baby in here..."
Joy: "I'm just saying... it's taking awhile. Are you sure it's not just indigestion?"
3:10am: Called midwife to notify we were going to the hospital.
3:44am: Leavin for the hospital. Luke can't stop smiling.
4:24am: Hardcore hypnobirthing starts in the hospital room.
5:04am: Autumn asks me to sing to her while she's laboring in the shower. Such a precious moment.
6:02am: Ellie Leia is born!!! What a miracle.