photogs and glamour shots

Besides me taking pictures with my personal camera, there are a lot of cameras on this ship. Every other night they have professional pictures available to pose for and they’re quite fun! For us Hepner sisters we are interested in everything to do with being the center of attention, it's a dream come true.

The ship videographer followed us around for a bit during photographs and it was fun posing for him and letting him capture our moments of glee.

When he left, Joy decided to pose for an individual shot. The young photographer snapping her picture was having a lot of fun too, and we didn’t blame him. It was pretty obvious just how much fun he was having when I said “wait, fix your necklace, joy” and he jumped forward to help her as I countered with “don’t YOU help her!” I know, I know... he was just trying to help. Mmmmhmmm. ;o)

That might’ve been my favorite part of the night as he stepped back and he and Joy BOTH turned various shades of purple. Upon checking out the pictures he later took of her, we about died laughing at the forced, laughter-induced smile on her face… she was beet red from embarrassment. She miiiight have hated me, but I loved it! I should've bought that picture just for the memories.

But hey, her necklace was straight.

Another time, I saw a tuxedo on display beside a photo booth and decided I should be allowed to take a picture with this non-existent man since I was without one on this cruise, and the photographer LET ME. It was by far the funniest pictures we have taken, and Faith’s was priceless.

For Faith's picture, there was a sash involved. Yep… a sash around his nonexistent neck.

"i could ask for anything i want and i'd get it..."

Every afternoon we’re usually back on the ship around 3pm… just in time for afternoon tea. One day we were seated with some of my evergrowing fan club from karaoke, and yesterday we were seated with Linda and Dan.

We are favorites with the waiters on staff in the dining room for meals and food service, so try imagining Dan and Linda’s faces when all of a sudden we had five waiters at our table and the other tables around us were noticeably neglected. We had tea, sandwiches, dessert and scones before anyone else even had their water for tea poured. Danel was relishing the benefits of being in our company as usual, but this attention was completely new to Linda and Dan.

Eventually Dan got the drift though… if you are at our table, no request takes longer than 60 seconds to fulfill. He asked for something and when it came within seconds, he leaned across the table towards Danel and said, “I don’t think we’ve received this much attention during the whole trip! I‘m pretty sure I could ask for anything I want right now!” and Danel said “I know, isn’t it great hanging around them?”

We had a good laugh when about a minute later when our waiter came by and said “more scones?” and I joked “another coronary?” as he added the huge dollops of cream, butter, jam and honey to each one.

Dan figured he could have extra, since the doctor would be there within seconds if he DID have a coronary. :o)

princess popstar karaoke!

Ummm… karaoke is SO MUCH fun. I’ve never done karaoke in front of a crowd before and I absolutely LOVE it!!! It’s so different than leading worship or something. It just rocks my face off. I got up the guts to sing and when I did, I rocked out in the middle of Club Fusion’s dance floor to a little Rascal Flatts. Everyone loved it, and thus began my fan club… yes, fan club. An older 70yr old guy named Sherman (whose claim to fame was being able to audition on American Idol in ‘06) flipped out when he heard me sing and told me “You need to try out. You know, before you leave the ship you need to get my number and when you go to try out for American Idol, if it’s LA that you try out in, I’ll be one of the people in line with you!” I was flattered.
The next night, Sherman told me he wanted my address so he could send me some jewelry. Ummm… no. Night three he gave me a CD a producer recorded of him. Then, in the airport on my way home I looked at the CD for the first time and lo and behold... a love note and his phone number inside. Good grief.



I like being a celebrity on the ship. People (both passengers and crew) stop me at least twice a day to ask about my next song, when I’ll sing next, or tell me how stupid the other contestants are. It’s hysterical. Danel feels like a celebrity too, because she’s with me all the time. I was in the lunch buffet line and got stopped by a young guy named Adam who told me I’m his favorite and he can’t wait til I perform again… to which joy whispered in my ear when he walked away “omigosh, you found the first attractive guy on the ship!” He later introduced me to his whole family… ha.



Another night I was in a picture line and a guy and his wife -both from Carson City- stopped and told me they couldn’t believe I didn’t get picked for the first heat (they have karaoke contests a couple nights of this week) and went on and on about how much talent they think I have. He even pulled out his video camera and showed me that he had videotaped me. He likes to videotape karaoke so he can post the bad ones online but his wife says mine will NOT be posted with the bad ones. Haha… good to know.



The best story by far has to be my “Drunk Bodyguard” one though. We were coming out of Club Fusion after Karaoke one night and a group of half drunken people were walking behind us. We turned around to glance at their antics and as soon as they recognized me, one guy yelled “You got ROBBED GIRL! Robbed! Seriously, how’d that guy win? You kidding me?” and then just as soon, his buddy splits off from the rest and starts trying to open an exit door as his wife and friends yell at him through drunken slurs to stop or they’d get arrested.

I warned his wife that he’d go overboard if he went outside, but she promptly yelled at him to do exactly that. He must be a bit too flirtatious with the female persuasion when drunk, because I think she would’ve PUSHED him overboard if she’d had the chance. Now, the guy who yelled I’d been robbed before, being the most vocal of the drunks, struck up a conversation and after a comment from me about how he was the only fan onboard who could be my bodyguard, posed for a “celebrity vs. paparazzi” picture. I'm "scared" of the paparrazi in this picture...



Danel was in fits of laughter by the time they all walked away. She’s decided hanging out with a celebrity is about as much fun as she can handle.

Then came the reeeeeally fun part. The audience voted for me to be a part of the "Princess Popstar Karaoke Finals". Oh man, I was so excited!

I sang "Any Man of Mine" by Shania Twain, and it was so much fun. Did a lil dancin and the whole place was packed with people. We had to go downstairs and then come running up a circular staircase after a camera caught us waving to the audience and when we were done performing, a guest judge panel of three of the ship's mucky mucks all gave us feedback. It was more for fun than anything else, and everyone got a kick out of it!

Afterwards the crowd's votes were tallied and a new friend of mine named Lee won for his performance of "My Girl". I've learned that knowing your audience (which included 80% gray haired men and women) is an important as the performance itself. Danel introduced me to a lady from Reno who was just adorable, and she let me know she'd voted for me.

We were each given a bottle of champagne, some little gifts from the ship, and a medal. All my fan club found me that night and also said goodbye since the karaoke nights were over and they probably wouldn't find me again. It was such a great end to the karoke adventures.

I loved being a celebrity...

missing my cell phone...

I really love my cell phone… it sits on my cruise boat bedside just because I feel like I’ve lost an appendage when I can’t use it. Seriously, it’s so hard. I am sure if the ship had service that I could even contribute to the Captain’s duties by helping him navigate. Blackberrys can do anything, people… anything. Do you see how it would actually benefit him if I had service? ;o)

That said, I went through withdrawals the first day onboard. No texting, phone service, or face book. Weird. I was fine though… I’m mature enough to realize that I wasn’t going to get it no matter how much whining I did, so I just accepted it. Now I actually (pretend to) enjoy the disconnectedness.

Confession time… I sometimes ride the elevators just so I can push the buttons. It makes me feel better. “What floor?” I’ll ask. “Floor 10 please” a passenger will say, and I’ll lunge for the buttons before another passenger can do it. Now I just stand in front of the panel with my back to the passengers and help them out by hitting the floors when they need me to.



One lady got in the elevator and said “Floor 5” and we were so packed that I HAD to push the button for her, but I made a texting motion and cracked a joke about elevator buttons being my proxy so I wouldn’t miss my phone so much. The whole elevator started laughing, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who missed my phone.


Yes, that’s right, people… those were the laughs of Iphone deprived humans praying for a quicker arrival in Puerto Vallarta where they had service.

For me… well, I will continue to dream of little clickety clicks of the keypad under my fingertips and keep controlling the elevator button controls every time I get the chance.

Oh… and I would be remiss to not mention a run in with the Elevator Nazi the second day we were onboard. We got on a lift and it was pretty full, but a handicapped woman with a walker needed to get on, so Faith and I cheerily invited her on, helped her lock her walker and take a seat before we started the elevator again. She was so thankful, but another lady onboard was definitely not. She was probably disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to pack on those 7-14 lbs a bit faster, and upon getting off the elevator for the buffet about 30 seconds slower than she would‘ve liked, she sneered “well isn’t this just the NICEST elevator ever.”

Elevator Nazi. Fact.

plate? more like platter...

The Biggest Loser trainers would have a coronary just stepping onto this ship. I'm not kidding. I'm pretty sure they'd burn the buffet AND the five dining rooms and tell us all to jump overboard and spear fish for our dinner or we wouldn't be allowed back onboard... and then the evil trainer lady would flaunt her perfect abs in HER swimsuit and we WOULD spear something. Mutiny. That's all I'm sayin.

Anyways... were starving. It was like 2pm and we were ready for some grub. Little did I know that’d be the last time I felt hunger pangs for a week… HOLY CRAP.

The food lines here go really fast, but it’s just because you grab a little bit of everything -even if you think you wont like it- just because you can. When I got in line I grabbed a plate for the buffet and someone, Joy or Danel, said “that’s not a plate” and I looked around and realized I’d grabbed the dessert (normal dinner sized plate) and everyone else had what looked like PLATTERS for their food. I shrugged and grabbed a platter and jumped in line.

So much food… too small of a stomach.

Faith and Danel insisted on taking a tour of the boat, so we did. Ironically, we took a tour of the spa (and Gym facilities) after lunch. The gym instructor, who looked like a younger, tanner, Jean Claude Vandamm (with bad highlights), told us the average person gains 7-14 lbs on a cruise and we girls looked at each other and moved on. Poor highlighted, buff, food nazi dude… but he wasn’t about to guilt us into visiting the gym. No siree.

Throughout the rest of the tour we’d look up and see a notification for “Deck 5” about the time Faith would say “now we’re on Deck 5” and this happened with every area, deck, club, bar or restaurant we came to. She was so excited I didn’t have the heart to shut her up. I’m just surprised Danel let her lead the way. Sometimes being around these two administrators is like having ropes on each of your arms and being in the middle of a tug of war towards one woman‘s intuition or the other‘s. Ha!

The Sailaway party as we left the LA Port was so much fun. Jamaican music and not-yet-sunscorched people all getting trashed on margaritas and dancing with strangers. They just enjoyed alot of laughing, drinking and hooking up... and all in the first couple hours onboard. Partaaaay. Oh boy...

Faith and I and Joy joined the conga line and danced for a bit and then we left to go get changed for dinner.

My first experience at the served dinner was awesome. Napkin in my lap, waiters named Dennis and Edgardo at our service, and the Princess treatment was served up in style. Danel explained that there were no rules when it came to dinner, so we ordered whatever and however much we wanted of EVERYTHING! We can watch the water out the dining room windows and it’s so surreal to enjoy a great meal while watching the world float by.

We four ladies have our very own table. It is pretty stinkin great, and we laugh when we see awkward conversations happening -or trying to happen- at tables nearby. Our waiters obviously love us too, because they are extremely attentive. Danel loves watching everyone react to Faith and I and Joy… like bears to honey. I guess the old addige is true: “Nothing promotes speculation more than the sight of a woman enjoying herself”… and there are four of us! Lucky.

Danel likes to point out that we always seem to have more than our fair share of waiters around our table, and at least once every night, one of them gets in trouble for neglecting another table - and sometimes in a different section of the dining room. The other night we had four around us… all of them trying to stump Joy on a joke or trick of some kind.

We went to the welcome aboard show with dancing and singing after dinner and Danel almost tripped and tanked it down the theater stairs. We can tell we’ll have to watch her close and make sure she doesn’t fall over some railings or something. She can barely stay upright on solid ground, let alone a rocking cruise ship. We have a battle plan… Faith on the right arm, Joy on the left, and me behind her… at all times.

Oh... and by the way, her balance problems onboard are caused by wearing shoes like this...

We should just LET her fall. Sometimes children need to learn lessons the hard way. ;o)

to LAX or bust!

Leaving Reno is always so fun and exciting… especially if you know you’re about to experience something like Faith and I getting to go on our first cruise. AAAAAH!! So freakin cool.


We got to the airport and my bags were overweight. Holy crap… I went to Africa and didn’t have overweight bags, but apparently I overpack when going on a cruise. Whatever. Faith helped me reorganize (that’s why I go places with her) and we checked in our bags.

Danel was late -or on time, depending on how early we debate people are supposed to arrive before flights- so when she came, we’d had a few minutes to sit by ourselves and that’s never good. Idle time and impatient adventurers makes for a lot of giggling and stupid jokes, but it was fun times.

Speaking of idle time... Joy and I nearly shot Faith. She was so excited that she couldn’t stay quiet… we listened to her nonstop commentary on half of a Vogue magazine before Danel arrived. Faith would say things like “omigosh this girl looks so beautiful” regarding some nutritionally deprived teenager who looked like you could snap her in half like a breadstick -something she obviously has never had the privilege of eating- and Joy would gasp with laughter as I looked at the picture in question and say “she just looks hungry to me”.

So… this is the way our hour or so of waiting for the plane to depart went. It was even funnier to have Danel along as she provided new entertainment for us as well. Purchasing $16 worth of snacks and diet soda from airport gift shops before ever leaving was pretty darn awesome to watch. I was sure she’d leave with the whole store, but alas she knew even if her pockets were deep, her bladder wasn’t. Sorry, Danel.

Our plane was so small it was like “Rescuers Down Under” sized. Flying on the wing of a seagull small… in comparison to normal jets, I guess. We walked down the airport ramp onto the ptarmack and then up into the plane via little stairs. Thank you Horizon Air for making me feel like a princess embarking on my own private jet… and thank you flight attendant for reminding upon my entry to the tiny cabin where you were stooping over to greet me, that that’s just not my reality. We got onboard and a large and loudly unpleasant man was yelling at the stewardess that his air conditioning was broken. She did her best to fix his problem as Danel and Faith and Joy and I found our assigned seats.

Faith and Joy found their seats, but a man was sitting in one of theirs and was obviously confused with assigned seats. Faith clued him in and he gave a very heartfelt apology in an AUSTRALIAN ACCENT and went to the front of the plane to find his seats, where those people warmly welcomed he and his beautiful accent. I glared at Faith as his hearty happy laughter in the front of the plane was drowned out by Mr. Loud and Obnoxious sitting behind us. Faith is so dense sometimes… ;o)

The stewardess informed us that there was only one bathroom on board - all the way in front, second door on the right - SECOND door on the right, she repeated. I wondered why and then realized the THIRD door on the right was the Captain’s deck and imagined that Horizon Air probably has a lot more fake terrorist scares than larger airlines since the bathroom door looks very similar to the Captain’s deck one. Can you imagine Mr. Loud and Obnoxious getting taken out by the three stewardesses as he starts banging on the Captain’s deck door thinking it was the bathroom? Good grief. Our biggest worry was Joy making it through the flight but she did great under the influence of two Dramamine tablets. She was a bit out of it the whole day after that though.

Danel was laughing pretty much nonstop as I was making friends with everyone on the plane that we met (except Mr. Loud and Obnoxious), so imagine her delight when my next friend became Mr. Matrix in front of me. He was a good natured man with sunglasses that made him look like he was Morpheus from the Matrix. It was awesome! When our flight was over and I had Faith snap a picture of Danel and I, he randomly stuck his head in our picture and thus began my random adventures with strange men.

We arrived in LA after what seemed like the shortest flight ever (maybe when you‘re that small, you get shorter faster routes since all the cool kids are flying in their 747s up higher). I asked the stewardess for permission to disembark after everyone else so that I could take a picture exiting the plane. She laughed and agreed, so I have pictures to prove my desired reality of a Princess lifestyle on the steps of “my“ airplane. Mr. Matrix laughed and watched our photo session long after his luggage was ready for him and Danel got a kick out of that.

As we got our luggage and hoofed it across half of LAX to where we could catch a taxi to the Pier we needed to be at, Danel said in a shocked voice “I don’t think I can remember the last time I carried my own luggage.” We realized the same was true for all of us and we’re happy to acknowledge that whenever we’re around the men in our lives we ARE Princesses. We don’t need no stinking cruise! ;o)

Aaaaand then we got the ship.

Now… when Faith giggles, it’s usually stop and go… like a chipmunk with hiccups… but this time I thought there was something medically wrong with our chipmunk. I don’t think she stopped giggling for the entire half hour that we checked in, took a picture, crossed the boat ramp and entered the boat. It went like this
“maam, this is your room key”
“hehehe. Thank you”.
“maam, let me take your luggage from you”
“hehehehehe. I’M GOING ON A CRUISE!!!”
“yes maam, you are. Will you need me to show you to your room?”
“no. hehehe. I’m going to FIND IT MYSELF. It’s an adventure!! Heehee”

… and so on and so forth. Omigosh. I hadn’t ever been on a cruise either, but going with her made the experience oh so much more exciting. Her smile was blinding, people.

We had arrived on the cruise ship, and no one even needed to ask if we’d ever been on a cruise ship before. Faith’s giggle alone was the answer to that question.