a hair on my arm

about a year ago sydney and i were sitting in her truck and talking when she reached over and RIPPED a hair out of my arm. well i looked over this afternoon at my arms while wearing my tank top, and realized there is a GIGANTOR black hair on my arm right below my shoulder! its just kickin it as the lone black hair on my arm. i'd like to state my chagrin that any person who claims to be my friend would willingly rip a normal blond hair out of my arm that would by default become an abnormal BLACK hair that i have to flippin pluck for the rest of my life. let this be a lesson to you - stay away from sydney, she's a hair plucker! awkard, my sydney friend...awkward.

so i went to house church today...i was told my spiritual gift was not mercy, but rather exhortation. i thought that was pretty interesting, because i am totally a mercy at the very core of who i am, but in a certain sense, i think the man was right. in the last couple years i have definitely been cultivating my lesser gift of exhortation (and occasionally learning how NOT to use it, lol). when talking to friends and acquaintances about life and giving them advice and stuff, the shepherd in me has definitely come out. granted, i have found a balance in investing both comfort aaaand guidance in these situations, but its interesting to me that in different phases of life our gifts can change so much. like we learn this cool balance, as life goes on and Christ reveals more to us about his perfect design within each of us...and as we mature in our walks with God, too. :)

for instance...sydney and i were talking yesterday, and after explaining how i was feeling about a relationship that was on my heart, she reminded me that i tend to feel things to the extreme when it comes to relational issues...i ALWAYS feel things to the extreme, and i tend to take things soooo personally. almost like i willingly throw myself into the preverbial emotional pot of scalding water, when really i should just chill in the hot tub for a bit until i am at a point rationally where i can acknowledge that i know things happen for a reason, and it's not the end of the world (for this i am thankful...it helps to have a sister like her who'll occasionally gently remind me of my weaknesses when i feel like i'm headed off the deep end, lol. she has a habit of bringing me back to earth, and reality).

but you know what? it hit me that im totally okay with the occasional preverbial emotional pot of scalding water - when i hit that water, most of the time it serves as a wake up call for me...kinda like "hey hope...remember when you used to live in this hellish relational state 24/7? remember when you used to let peoples' views of you run your life? this isnt you anymore...remember the truths Christ has taught you about this...remember the experiences youve gone through that have shown you this is the unhealthy way to handle this situation!" and then i see how far Christ has taken me...sometimes even without my knowledge. i can refocus and get back to reality instead of the emotional limbo that i so superbly get myself into sometimes.

all this to say that i love how i can look back on the last few years of my life and notice a change...notice where Christ has been at work...notice the healthy friendships ive made, and times when the Lord has affirmed to me the calling he has given me...and expecially when i can see where my failures and my stupid insecurities can now be given to him freely with no expectations of the future...just a peace that he is in control, and he is constantly teaching and molding and guiding me even in this misfit lil mind of mine.

i truly believe i amuse him...really. he just just sits up there on his throne and laughs.