i am so thankful for the little things in life.
i wake up in the morning, and grab my phone to shut off the obnoxious ode to joy that breaks my peaceful slumber, and glare with fuzzy eyes at the little blob of silver in my hand. if i didnt love my phone so much, i'd chuck it against the wall just to sleep a bit longer. alas, i slide it open, and to my delight have 15 text messages from late night friends saying goodmorning to me at 1am, probably knowing i'll get it when i wake up, or facebook status updates from friends already awake and notifying me of their hatred for early mornings. i love those friends... we understand each other so well. those text messages bring me joy. i am loved.
i stumble into the bathroom and wait silently for faith to spit out her toothpaste and relinquish the bathroom to me. she perkily glances at me and obnoxiously saunters by, and smiles, knowing if i had a voice i'd say "i hate everyone". i shut the door behind her and strip. the shower wakes me up, and i am thankful for my hard water, and i breathe in the smell of my oatmeal honey body wash that smells like shauna mccarthy's famous cookies. shauna mccarthy's cookies are joy joy joy down in my heart.
alive and ready to enter the world, i shove contacts into my eyes and the hazy world outside my shower doors comes into focus... ah the foggy mirror. and what's this? faith has left me a note in the foggy mirror... or did i leave that for her last week? no matter, it says "i love you" and i smile, because who doesnt want to hear THAT in the morning? joy joy JOOOOOY.
dressed and blowdried and powdered, i walk to the car with my lunch and purse in one hand, and my cell phone and sunglasses in the other. we drive away from the apartment complex and i buckle up, anticipating the morning terror. as we exit the parking lot, faith's cell phone starts: "bling bling bling bling". all her text messages are coming in, and as soon as they do, she leaps for her phone sitting in the door handle, and the steering wheel follows her sharply to the left. after screaming as we nearly collide - for the 900th time this year - with the median in the winding mountain road, i breathe out and release my grip on the roof handle as we pause for a few minutes at the stop sign. the stop sign... it brings me joy. so much joy. off we go to the freeway where life is safer at 70mph in snow, than at 10mph with faith texting.
at work my boss walks in all smiley on her morning starbucks high, and asks me how my night went. i give her the 30 second update, and she makes me smile with her sarcastic comments about my "wild" nights of late night starbucks runs and movies... i'd put her up against your boss anyday. i set my purse in my bottom desk drawer, and turn my cell phone to silent as i put it on my desk. the office phones start ringing, and i smile as i hear "hello hope speaking, this is autumn speaking" and i say hello to my lovely best friend who can't wait to tell me the newest joy of married life and the "most wonderful husband on the planet". autumn... she brings me joy.
my phone flashes, and i see more texts coming in. i smile again as i realize my friends obviously cannot face their day without hearing from me. i feel so special. oh the witnessing of oneanother's lives via text message... its complicated, but effective if you are attached to your cell phone all day. "missing you" texts... they bring me joy.
my day flies by after a lunch date with friends, and an afternoon of phones and emails, and i glance at my phone a few times before i see "here" and i run down to faith's car and slide in. we've talk and realize we've both had a good day, but if id was sad, she'd know. faith always knows when i need something sparkly in a pretty glass. for now we decide the dinner menu, and what movie we'll watch, and i hear her pretty little giggles as she tells me what she learned about the Lord today, and i think to myself "faith... faith brings me joy."
Monday, May 5, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
prologue to my future book? we'll see..
Future Book Title: Then Sings My Soul
Prologue
I grew up in a family of six kids. That’s right, you read correctly. That would be one more than five, and one less than seven, and it equaled chaos. Life was never quiet with six of us running around our house and yard screaming and playing like a bunch of banshees. My poor parents – Lord only knows what the neighbors thought of them. Even with the perpetual zoo atmosphere, my childhood had a peaceful quality to it that few people I’ve ever met have experienced. I never doubted that I was loved or cared for, not once in my life. As far back as I remember, I felt precious and loved. That love was most commonly demonstrated in the arms of my parents. Their arms were open, and I knew I could count on their love and support no matter what life had for me. As a child, my family was my world, and my world was everything I could’ve wanted.
Some of my earliest memories of childhood include the hustle and bustle of the Sunday morning church routine. Dozing in and out of sleep to the smell of Dad’s coffee percolating on the stove, and Mom singing hymns in the shower, I knew my day was about to start. A little while later Mom would open my bedroom door and flip on the light switch in the room I shared with my three sisters. Quickly, we’d throw our blankets over our heads trying to halt the blinding brightness from those obnoxious light bulbs. Even with Mom’s mild threats to remove our warm covers, we still found it hard to get motivated. After all, it was our duty as children to wait to obey her until the very moment we knew her voice changed from patient Mom to feisty landlord bent on evicting some lazy tennants. We’d get her right to that teetering balance, and – Super Dad to her rescue.
Up and already doing his morning devotions, Dad would usually chuckle to himself as he got his coffee and turned on the house radio. Turning it up loud enough for us to hear, he would go back to his devotions at the kitchen table as the radio chimed the familiar opening tunes of “Adventures in Odyssey”. It was all over, and we all knew it. The parental unit had won, and we the children were defeated again. Could it be that those story writers knew just how to manipulate our imaginations into a state where the newest adventure of Mr. Whittaker and the gang was more important than another half hour of sleep? It was a conspiracy between the writers and our parents – we were sure of it. It wasn’t long after that, though, and we’d be brushing our teeth around the radio, not wanting to miss a single word.
Being a kid, you don’t realize how things as simple as the Sunday morning routine shape you for the future, or what priceless lessons you are being taught. Through the years, I remember running to Mom with countless sibling rivalries and hearing her say, “ask her into your room.” That was just short for “I’m not getting involved, so you’re going to have to work this one out between the two of you.” All we wanted was for her to tell us which was right, and which was wrong, but when she said that, we would eye each other in dread at the upcoming debate. In our frustration we would argue our different sides of the issue until we were so exhausted we’d pretend to “make up” just to end the conversation. Walking out of the room, we’d find Mom ready with her next question. “Have you forgiven each other?” How did she always know? We’d look at each other, and yet again attitudes would flare as we were ushered back to a private place to resolve things with – hopefully -more maturity the second time around. It didn’t always work, but she gave it her all and that’s what counts.
As an adult I often think of my childhood and the moments that shaped me into the woman I am today. The lessons I learned and the biblical foundations that my parents built in my heart at a young age, have spurred me towards a God whom I trust desires only the best for his children. To see evidence of his provision and grace at work in my life and my relationships has brought me more happiness than I can ever express, as well as a sincere appreciation for my parents’ desire to cultivate in each of their children a hunger for a relationship with Christ. As I share with you some of my stories, and hopefully some useful insight, I pray that I could accurately – and at times, humorously - convey a glimpse of a Savior who I believe has proven himself to be infinitely loving, and extravagantly gracious to all who call him Lord.
Prologue
I grew up in a family of six kids. That’s right, you read correctly. That would be one more than five, and one less than seven, and it equaled chaos. Life was never quiet with six of us running around our house and yard screaming and playing like a bunch of banshees. My poor parents – Lord only knows what the neighbors thought of them. Even with the perpetual zoo atmosphere, my childhood had a peaceful quality to it that few people I’ve ever met have experienced. I never doubted that I was loved or cared for, not once in my life. As far back as I remember, I felt precious and loved. That love was most commonly demonstrated in the arms of my parents. Their arms were open, and I knew I could count on their love and support no matter what life had for me. As a child, my family was my world, and my world was everything I could’ve wanted.
Some of my earliest memories of childhood include the hustle and bustle of the Sunday morning church routine. Dozing in and out of sleep to the smell of Dad’s coffee percolating on the stove, and Mom singing hymns in the shower, I knew my day was about to start. A little while later Mom would open my bedroom door and flip on the light switch in the room I shared with my three sisters. Quickly, we’d throw our blankets over our heads trying to halt the blinding brightness from those obnoxious light bulbs. Even with Mom’s mild threats to remove our warm covers, we still found it hard to get motivated. After all, it was our duty as children to wait to obey her until the very moment we knew her voice changed from patient Mom to feisty landlord bent on evicting some lazy tennants. We’d get her right to that teetering balance, and – Super Dad to her rescue.
Up and already doing his morning devotions, Dad would usually chuckle to himself as he got his coffee and turned on the house radio. Turning it up loud enough for us to hear, he would go back to his devotions at the kitchen table as the radio chimed the familiar opening tunes of “Adventures in Odyssey”. It was all over, and we all knew it. The parental unit had won, and we the children were defeated again. Could it be that those story writers knew just how to manipulate our imaginations into a state where the newest adventure of Mr. Whittaker and the gang was more important than another half hour of sleep? It was a conspiracy between the writers and our parents – we were sure of it. It wasn’t long after that, though, and we’d be brushing our teeth around the radio, not wanting to miss a single word.
Being a kid, you don’t realize how things as simple as the Sunday morning routine shape you for the future, or what priceless lessons you are being taught. Through the years, I remember running to Mom with countless sibling rivalries and hearing her say, “ask her into your room.” That was just short for “I’m not getting involved, so you’re going to have to work this one out between the two of you.” All we wanted was for her to tell us which was right, and which was wrong, but when she said that, we would eye each other in dread at the upcoming debate. In our frustration we would argue our different sides of the issue until we were so exhausted we’d pretend to “make up” just to end the conversation. Walking out of the room, we’d find Mom ready with her next question. “Have you forgiven each other?” How did she always know? We’d look at each other, and yet again attitudes would flare as we were ushered back to a private place to resolve things with – hopefully -more maturity the second time around. It didn’t always work, but she gave it her all and that’s what counts.
As an adult I often think of my childhood and the moments that shaped me into the woman I am today. The lessons I learned and the biblical foundations that my parents built in my heart at a young age, have spurred me towards a God whom I trust desires only the best for his children. To see evidence of his provision and grace at work in my life and my relationships has brought me more happiness than I can ever express, as well as a sincere appreciation for my parents’ desire to cultivate in each of their children a hunger for a relationship with Christ. As I share with you some of my stories, and hopefully some useful insight, I pray that I could accurately – and at times, humorously - convey a glimpse of a Savior who I believe has proven himself to be infinitely loving, and extravagantly gracious to all who call him Lord.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
mongolian alligators
soon and very soon i will post something significant for you all to read about my life and how i'm doing...but for now, enjoy this video my friend sara recorded.
some will find it fun, and some won't care less, but i guarantee everyone will stop to wonder "what the -!-".
enjoy!
some will find it fun, and some won't care less, but i guarantee everyone will stop to wonder "what the -!-".
enjoy!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
oh... i will walk if i have to
i am determined to get to vegas tomorrow even if i have to WALK! grrr
last year i tried to fly out, and my plane flight was cancelled because it snowed. i waited and waited hoping it would clear up, but it didn't...i was broken hearted. no best friend, no plane flight, no fun times - and three hours of my life that i will never get back, because i spent it waiting at the airport.
it was so tragic.
::insert loathing glare at the skies, here::
last year i tried to fly out, and my plane flight was cancelled because it snowed. i waited and waited hoping it would clear up, but it didn't...i was broken hearted. no best friend, no plane flight, no fun times - and three hours of my life that i will never get back, because i spent it waiting at the airport.
it was so tragic.
::insert loathing glare at the skies, here::
Monday, February 11, 2008
hello world
hello world. it's me. you ready?
here we go.
you're still not ready, are you?
it's okay...i'll give you some time to adjust to the new order.
here we go.
you're still not ready, are you?
it's okay...i'll give you some time to adjust to the new order.
Friday, November 30, 2007
so deceptive
i have a story to tell...
i love watching television. i really do. nothing can be as relaxing and fun as sitting down with a lovely group of people and watching a movie. the thing is...i rarely - and i do mean rarely - watch cable television or commercials.
that said...i did watch television with commercials about the "must haves" of the season. you know the ones - phones, ipods, clothing, boyfriends and girlfriends, cars, fancy dinners, and a white picket fence surrounded by obsolete credit card bills because there is no financing for 5 years - yes, you know the "must haves" of the season as well. little did i know how much the three hours i enjoyed watching a couple days of shows at friends' homes would affect my life!
last night i realized i was severely depressed and i had no idea why. i talked to my lovely friend sara, and although she tried to cheer me up, i just wasn't having it. there was something missing in my life and i couldn't put my finger on it. i had no idea the depth of my confusion. although many people tried to cheer me up, i was in a funk that i didn't know how to escape from. i thought every relationship i had was meaningless, and was discontent with everything in my life...i just couldn't tell ya why.
yeah...weird, i know!
this morning i woke up with a sore throat, and realized i would pretty much die if i was was sick and depressed. when i'm sick, i'm needy and whiny and combining that with depression is probably not a good thing. i called my sister autumn and we tried to figure out what was wrong with me. in talking it out with her, i realized that my depression went back to my discontentment, that went back to my feeling as if i was not measuring up to life, and that went back to my three hours of being brainwashed by the commercials on television that led me to believe i was ugly, poor, naked, alone and inconsequential unless i had everything they were selling...
i experienced such extreme loneliness in a few hours, i don't even think i can explain it in severe enough words...and the weird thing is, i was in the midst of a crowd of people.
that's bad.
this might seem trivial to some of you, because you are acclimated to the current media situation on television, but lemme tell ya - i wish you could experience my 24 hour depression if for no other reason than to realize how carefree life is without feeling like you're falling short everyday or "needing" things that you never even knew existed, two minutes before.
i am now content with life thanks to the love and concern of dear friends who love on me and help me get rid of lies i can so easily believe, but man ya'll...it was a rough 24 hours.
to sara who listened, the lips who let me be moody, syd who encouraged, autumn who forgave me, and andrew who brought me a white mocha in the pouring snowiness...you all are fantastic friends with amazing hearts! life wouldnt be the same without you....
lesson learned...now i'll go back to living
i love watching television. i really do. nothing can be as relaxing and fun as sitting down with a lovely group of people and watching a movie. the thing is...i rarely - and i do mean rarely - watch cable television or commercials.
that said...i did watch television with commercials about the "must haves" of the season. you know the ones - phones, ipods, clothing, boyfriends and girlfriends, cars, fancy dinners, and a white picket fence surrounded by obsolete credit card bills because there is no financing for 5 years - yes, you know the "must haves" of the season as well. little did i know how much the three hours i enjoyed watching a couple days of shows at friends' homes would affect my life!
last night i realized i was severely depressed and i had no idea why. i talked to my lovely friend sara, and although she tried to cheer me up, i just wasn't having it. there was something missing in my life and i couldn't put my finger on it. i had no idea the depth of my confusion. although many people tried to cheer me up, i was in a funk that i didn't know how to escape from. i thought every relationship i had was meaningless, and was discontent with everything in my life...i just couldn't tell ya why.
yeah...weird, i know!
this morning i woke up with a sore throat, and realized i would pretty much die if i was was sick and depressed. when i'm sick, i'm needy and whiny and combining that with depression is probably not a good thing. i called my sister autumn and we tried to figure out what was wrong with me. in talking it out with her, i realized that my depression went back to my discontentment, that went back to my feeling as if i was not measuring up to life, and that went back to my three hours of being brainwashed by the commercials on television that led me to believe i was ugly, poor, naked, alone and inconsequential unless i had everything they were selling...
i experienced such extreme loneliness in a few hours, i don't even think i can explain it in severe enough words...and the weird thing is, i was in the midst of a crowd of people.
that's bad.
this might seem trivial to some of you, because you are acclimated to the current media situation on television, but lemme tell ya - i wish you could experience my 24 hour depression if for no other reason than to realize how carefree life is without feeling like you're falling short everyday or "needing" things that you never even knew existed, two minutes before.
i am now content with life thanks to the love and concern of dear friends who love on me and help me get rid of lies i can so easily believe, but man ya'll...it was a rough 24 hours.
to sara who listened, the lips who let me be moody, syd who encouraged, autumn who forgave me, and andrew who brought me a white mocha in the pouring snowiness...you all are fantastic friends with amazing hearts! life wouldnt be the same without you....
lesson learned...now i'll go back to living
Friday, September 28, 2007
i've come to realize
i've come to realize that when i talk i am almost always verbally processing my thoughts. when I do, i feel like i'm including others in the workings of my mind – and thus including them in my life by being vulnerable with them.
i've come to realize that i love my life just as it is, and when i do that i am satisfied instead of always wanting more.
i've come to realize that i have so many relational issues i am tempted to become a hermit in the mountains.
i've come to realize that i lost respect for christianity in general this year. i now tend to respect people rather than the organization of a church itself. a church is founded on the morals and the principals of its people...therefore if i do not respect the people, i can not respect their version of christianity.
i've come to realize that i have a crush on clark kent.
i've come to realize that i hate it when people decide not to invest in friendships just because of geographic distance. if you invest, do it 100%...dont do it half heartedly, because people notice...and then they feel insignificant.
i've come to realize that marriage is not a bandaid for pain, and children are not a bandaid for marriage.
i've come to realize that somewhere someone is thinking "i wonder if anyone understands what i'm going through"...and no one is answering that person.
i've come to realize that i'll always be emotionally charged and rationally challenged.
i've come to realize that i get on myspace because i want to know how the people i love are doing...if i didnt have that option, i'd have a hecka large phone bill.
i've come to realize that today i will be working until 5...no matter how much i daydream about going home early.
i've come to realize that tonight i will watch a movie and hug my sisters...and i love them more than anything.
i've come to realize that tomorrow i will want to take a road trip, but i wont be able to because my car would explode at the top of the mountain.
i've come to realize that i really want to experience selflessness in my relationship with "the one" ...because i dont know what that will look like in my life someday with him.
i've come to realize that at times i enable others in their sin when my motive is simply to comfort and encourage growth. that tears me up inside.
i've come to realize that the last time i truly cried was when i had to "let go" of a relationship that is precious to me.
i've come to realize that my cell phone is old, but i dont need a new one just because i think there are cooler ones out there.
i've come to realize that when i wake up in the morning i am not in the mood to invest or talk or relate to anyone...and thats okay. i dont have to force myself to chat at 7am like ive thought was always nice and polite.
i've come to realize that before i go to sleep at night i should pray for my future husband.
i've come to realize that right now i am thinking about how differently i wouldve answered these questions a few months ago.
i've come to realize that i love my life just as it is, and when i do that i am satisfied instead of always wanting more.
i've come to realize that i have so many relational issues i am tempted to become a hermit in the mountains.
i've come to realize that i lost respect for christianity in general this year. i now tend to respect people rather than the organization of a church itself. a church is founded on the morals and the principals of its people...therefore if i do not respect the people, i can not respect their version of christianity.
i've come to realize that i have a crush on clark kent.
i've come to realize that i hate it when people decide not to invest in friendships just because of geographic distance. if you invest, do it 100%...dont do it half heartedly, because people notice...and then they feel insignificant.
i've come to realize that marriage is not a bandaid for pain, and children are not a bandaid for marriage.
i've come to realize that somewhere someone is thinking "i wonder if anyone understands what i'm going through"...and no one is answering that person.
i've come to realize that i'll always be emotionally charged and rationally challenged.
i've come to realize that i get on myspace because i want to know how the people i love are doing...if i didnt have that option, i'd have a hecka large phone bill.
i've come to realize that today i will be working until 5...no matter how much i daydream about going home early.
i've come to realize that tonight i will watch a movie and hug my sisters...and i love them more than anything.
i've come to realize that tomorrow i will want to take a road trip, but i wont be able to because my car would explode at the top of the mountain.
i've come to realize that i really want to experience selflessness in my relationship with "the one" ...because i dont know what that will look like in my life someday with him.
i've come to realize that at times i enable others in their sin when my motive is simply to comfort and encourage growth. that tears me up inside.
i've come to realize that the last time i truly cried was when i had to "let go" of a relationship that is precious to me.
i've come to realize that my cell phone is old, but i dont need a new one just because i think there are cooler ones out there.
i've come to realize that when i wake up in the morning i am not in the mood to invest or talk or relate to anyone...and thats okay. i dont have to force myself to chat at 7am like ive thought was always nice and polite.
i've come to realize that before i go to sleep at night i should pray for my future husband.
i've come to realize that right now i am thinking about how differently i wouldve answered these questions a few months ago.
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